Yoga Kit for Surviving Heartbreak

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Originally Published in Daily Bhaskar

Heartbreak can happen for many reasons- cheating, lying, moving away- physically or emotionally, break up, divorce, death, unrequited love or if you’re an Indian, perhaps it’s the parents/caste card that could lead to a heartbreak. Irrespective of the cause, heartbreaks leave victims helpless.

Why does one feel so helpless?

Speaking from a yogic point of view, this feeling of helplessness stems from following three aspects:

1. Pain: Modern psychology believes that memory constitutes a significant part of human mind. However, according to yogic philosophy, every cell of the body has memory. Both yogic & psychological viewpoints agree that we create memories through the perceptions that we allocate to the inputs of our sensory organs.

When we fall in love, we love through all the five senses, sight, smell, sound, taste and most importantly touch. Imagine the quality and quantity of memories love creates in our being, that too at cellular level!

Your heart might be broken but the memories are still very much a part of every cell of your system. Moving away from those memories is like ripping a part of every cell of your being. Of course, it’ll hurt.

2. Fear: As a defense mechanism, we try to divert our attention from past. The path that we choose here is towards future. This dwelling into future gives rise to a fear- what if I will never find love again, what if the next is worse, what if I will never be happy, what if I am forever alone. This fear is paralyzing. Our defense screams-‘abort mission future’ and we lapse once again into the memories. It’s a vicious circle.

3. Our mind, our biggest friend, our biggest foe:

We know that we must control our thoughts, move away from pain, and not succumb to fear. We aren’t masochists, at least majority of us are not. We understand this at an intellectual level, and yet we are unable to follow this on experiential level.

This is because; we can’t sit on top of our mind and control it.

Even Arjun, whose focus and concentration was so advanced that he would only see one eye of the bird while shooting, he was known to conquer sleep; and yet, he ended up saying:

“Chanchalam hi manah Krishna

Pramathi balavad drdham

Tasyaham nigraham manye

Vayor ivs su-duskaram”

- Geeta, Chapter 6, Shloka 34

Meaning: But Krishna! Mind is restless and headstrong. Controlling it is harder than controlling wind.

The emotional turmoil of battle of Kurukshetra made even Arjuna realize that the mind is much more powerful that we can ever be.

That’s why Krishna said,

“Bandhur atmatmanas tasya

Yenatmaivatmana jitah

Anatmanas tu shatrutve

Vartetatmaiva shatruvat”

- Geeta, Chapter 6, Sholka 6

Meaning: For those who have conquered the mind, it is their friend. For those who have failed to do so, the mind works like an enemy.

The explanation is simple: “I will control my mind” is a mental consciousness, and so are our memories, the emotions are mental consciousness too.

In this war amidst mental consciousnesses, how does it matter which one wins, when war itself means loss of peace? War is a problem in itself, then how can it solve a problem? So, if controlling mind through mind isn’t the solution, then what is?

What’s the solution?

The solution lies in three simple words- Working with Pranamayakosa.

Trying to manage one’s mind through mind is an oxymoron. It is futile. Therefore, we take refuge in the wisdom of Taititreya Upnishad. According to the Upnishad, a person lives in five dimensions:

1. Annamayakosa- dimension of matter

2. Pranamayakosa- dimension of energy,

3. Manomayakosa- dimension of mind,

4. Vigyanmayakosa- dimension of consciousness,

5. Anandamayakosa- dimension of bliss.

Since, heartbreak is affecting our Manomayakosa and Annamayakosa, we must work on our Pranamayakosa, and channelize that energy in unlocking the inherent healing wisdom of Vigyanmayakosa to reach the blissed out state of Anandmayakosa.

Why Pranamayakosa?

To answer this, we need to understand, Prana.

Prana is life-force- the vital energy. Yet, it is beyond the laws of energy known to modern science. This is evident in the following verse of Yogic philosophy:

““Svayameve tanavam yati,
Svayameva piñata yati.”

Meaning: Prana is that which can increase or decrease by itself without any external agency.

According to Yajur Veda, Prana manifests in our body in many ways and one of these manifestations is the electrical activity in our brain. Therefore, by controlling the prana we can control our mind.

Sankhya philosophy believes that any adhi (imbalance) of mind or vyadhi (disease) of body can be fixed with working with prana. That’s the reason why Swami Niranjananda calls pranayams the real yoga, and every limb of Ashtanga that comes before that (Yam, Niyam and Asana) is mere preparatory yoga. This is important in the ‘How’ part of healing the heartbreak.

How?

Phase 1: Preparatory Yoga

Step 1: Preparing the body

As discussed above, the memories of love are in every cell of our body. So, for our plan to work, it should not restrict its focus on our mind or heart but incorporate our entire physical system.

Also, as discussed above deleting the memories, is tearing away a bit of every cell of ours, aim here should be transformation of those memories from hurting to healing ones.

This transformation can be achieved by converting the vatta (air) in our body into Prana, through the Pawanmukta-asana Series- I.

In this series, we guide our awareness to the parts of the body where access of Vatta is stored. The Vatta is responsible for movement in our body and access of it leads to mental/emotional turmoils.

Through the 15 sukshma-vyayams (easy exercises) of this series, we can expel the access of Vatta, thus loosening the body, clearing energy and emotional blockages.

Step 2: Bringing our mind to equipoise

Once body is loosened and relaxed by expelling the Vatta. It’s time to do the same with mind. The easiest way to do this is through Vrikshana- the tree pose. This is a balancing asana. It is impossible to relax effortlessly in a balancing posture with a restless mind.

Phase II- The Real Yoga

Step 3: Sensitizing the body with breathe

Once we bring our mind and body to a temporary state of relaxation through asanas, it’s time we take this a deeper and more sustainable level through working on Pranamayakosa.

This can be done through simple Yogic breathing; we are not even required to do complicate Pranayams.  

According to clinical researches, when we breathe in and out in a systematic and coordinated fashion; the electrical coordination of the neurons becomes more systematic. Quantitatively, this can be measured in the effect of one acquiring longer alpha waves and receding beta waves, in the electromagnetic emission of waves in the brain. Unfortunately, the observatory skills of modern science are not developed beyond this point. One needs to inculcate faith or understand the philosophy of the Vedas to venture forward:

As body becomes more sensitive to the flow of breathe, it begins to absorb the pran shakti from the air that we breathe in. The awareness on this pran shakti becomes the bridge of us moving from gross to subtle aspects of our mind

The activities of subtle forces- memories, emotions, knowledge, and archetypes work here and hence can be controlled through this practice.

Step 4: Viyoga

Viyoga is learning how to detach oneself from subjective experience of life.

According to Geeta, Chapter 6, Shloka 23:

“Tam vidyad dukhah-sanyoga-viyogam yogsanjnitam

Sa nishchayena yoktavyo yogo nirvinnachetasa”

Meaning: That state of severance from union with misery is known as Viyoga. This yoga should be resolutely practiced with determination free from pessimism.

In short, practice ‘clean break up’. Just like a no therapy can work on a drug addict if he keeps taking his fix; no amount of healing will work on broken heart if we keep visiting the cause of it. That’s why in Hindu Dharma, when a person dies, all his belongings are offered to fire along with his body.

I am not asking you to set a bon-fire, just for 21 days, happily detach yourself with the stimulus of the memories of the heart-break. Every time a memory or a disturbing emotion arises, joyfully move your focus from that to sensitizing body with the in and out flow of the breath.

Happy Healing!