- by Kirti Tarang Pande
An experiment for our mental elements :
Do you criticize yourself? When was the last time you did it? This morning? Yesterday? Or, sometime back? Recollect that moment when you were critical of yourself. Go ahead, live that moment vividly in your mind. What was the cause of that criticism of self? What happened that made you criticize yourself? Bring back that cause in your mind. Allow that memory to play in your mind with all its details. What were the words that you used to criticize yourself? Play those words again in your head. How are you feeling listening to those words, unpleasant or not unpleasant?
Inhale deeply, exhale and relax, let go of that memory.
Now, visualize your best friend in front of you. Someone you love and care about. Smile to your friend. Now visualize that your friend is in the same situation as you were when you criticised yourself. Recreate that scene, just in your place put your best friend there. Now, what will you say to your best friend? Will you use the same words? Are you criticizing your friend? Or are you listening to your friend in a calm compassionate manner? Are you undermining your friend or are saying that I trust you to fix it because I believe in you. Listen carefully to the words that you're saying to your best friend. Inhale deeply, exhale and relax.
Now, again recreate that memory. This time again it's you who is in the situation not your best friend. This time, instead of criticizing yourself use the same words that you used for your best friend. Words of trust and love . This time approach the situation in the same way as you did with your best friend: listen to yourself calmly and compassionately. How are you feeling in this moment- unpleasant or pleasant? Place your right hand on your heart, how is your heart beat right now? Inhale deeply, exhale and relax completely.
Can you imagine how your life would be if you always operate from this place? Next time when you look in the mirror, inspecting yourself before an important event or date, if you talk to yourself the way you talk to your best friend, how would it feel like? What will be the after effects of that? Imagine next time you make a big mistake and its all your fault, in that moment, you pause and say the things to yourself that you would say to your best friend in such a situation? Imagine the value it will add to your physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual well being.
Yogic Method of befriending our own self
Gita in Chapter 6, 5th verse says that uplift yourself, do not deprecate yourself because you're your only friend and your only enemy. Gita is an ancient Sanskrit text on tenets of yoga and it also shares the technique of how to uplift oneself to become our own best friend. This technique is something that I practice so that I can always be nice to myself and as a yoga instructor I have shared this technique with a number of my clients. This is a technique that my grandfather (and Yoga Guru), Shri Jagdish Chandra Upadhyaya taught me.
I was first introduced to it when I spilled a pot. My grandmother gave me that look and said, “You're lucky it was curd and not boiling milk, or else you would have burnt yourself". My grandfather, however, smiled at me lovingly and asked, “So what do we learn from this”? “Ummm… To mind our steps” I sheepishly answered. His smile just grew fonder and said, “To be like the pot of curd". Does it make sense to you? I didn't to me either, so he elaborated, allow me to expand that idea now:
This glass of water is sitting happily here & someone unmindful like me comes and knocks it over. What will happen? The water will spill. What if there was acid in it? The acid will spill. Situation, other people are just incidental, what comes out is what is inside of us. My grandfather said that I should become like a pot of curd.
Curd is so soothing that it can calm down an elephant. Despite their size & strength, elephants are gentle beings, except that time of the year when the male elephant is on heat, it can go really wild and squash everything in sight. In such times, massaging his head with buttermilk really calms him down.
Imagine if our entire being is full such a calming potion then no matter what they say, no matter what situation is, no matter how majorly we screw up, instead of saying you deserve it, you're stupid, you're worthless, why on earth would anyone love you, we say things to ourselves which are true, yet kind. Instead of deprecating ourselves, we will uplift ourself. Instead of acting like our own enemy we will act like our own best friend.
So what is this calming potion that we need to fill ourselves with? What is curd for our mental elements? If we circle back to Gita, we will find the answer written there, it's called Sattva. Gita doesn't just give us a buzzword # uplift yourself but also tells us how, by filling our being with Sattva.
Now what is this Sattva? Sattva is our innate quality to be blissful. The keyword here is innate. It is already inside of us. The more I look at my baby, the more convinced I get that Yogic Philosophy isn’t something we learn but something that we are born with and forget.
So, right now, yes, now you and I are going to do a small meditative exercise which has benefited me, my clients. We are going to do a small meditative exercise to learn to how connect with our Sattva, our innate tendency to be blissful. The goal is to nurture our inner bliss, allow it grow till it fills our entire being then irrespective of circumstances and other people we will always overflow with bliss. Irrespective of situation our inner voice will always make us feel blissful. So are you ready?
The Meditation :
The Takeaway:
Relax, how do you feel? Whatever you're feeling right now, it won't last, until we are regular with our practice for at least 90 days. Now how to be persistent with the practice? I would suggest 10 -2-1 method. If there's anything you want to takeaway from this session, allow it to be this : 10-2-1. Every morning ask yourself how much time do I have to hangout with myself ? After all, hanging out, sharing meaningful moments are the founding stones of any friendship that adds value to our well being. Then why befriending oneself be any different? Ask yourself how much time can I give to myself 10 minutes, 2 minutes or 1 minute? If you have 10 minutes, then I encourage you to do the meditation that we just did. If you have two minutes then use the Yogic tool called Svadhyaya for this. We did it in the beginning of the session. We called it introspection, remember? Let's do it one more time. Just to get the hang of it. Come on do it, right now with me. Sit straight, roll your shoulders back. Hands on knees, palms facing upwards. Inhale, relax. Inhale, relax deeply, inhale relax completely. Recreate the memory of the moment when you hurt yourself.. This time, instead of criticizing yourself use the same words that you would use for your best friend. Words of trust and love. Listen to yourself. Tell yourself, I understand you, I love you, I trust in your potential to fix it. Mentally repeat after me - I love and trust myself, I love and trust myself, I love and trust myself. Bring your attention to your heart, visualize bliss, Sattva here in form of white light, inhaling surrender to this white light, exhaling visualize it filling your whole body. Inhale deeply, exhale and relax completely. Gently rub your palms, cup your eyes with your palms, blink your eyes. Slowly open your eyes. Bring your hands down. Inhale and relax.
How about those days when we can't even spare two minutes for ourselves? On such days take out one minute. We always have a minute. Close your eyes and tell yourself - No matter what happens today, I will be my best friend. Everything that I will say to myself will be kind, true and will add meaning to my well being. Let's do it. Close your eyes. Relax. Smile softly. Repeat after me - Today, I will be my best friend. No matter what they say, no matter what they do I will only say kind and truthful words to myself, words that uplift me and add value to my being.
Happy Practicing :)
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